Atomic Eden SPOILER FREE Review.

I will pretty much watch anything that Fred "The Hammer" Williamson is in. No matter what he is doing he is normally good value for money and damn cool with it. So when I heard about Atomic Eden, originally during an interview The Doc and I did with The Hammer, I, of course, wanted to see it.

The plot, very briefly, is that the Nazis built a doomsday machine which has stayed buried for years under the radiation fall out of Chernobyl. However, since it is now, apparently, safe to enter the contaminated area for short period of time, it is up to Fred Williamson's hastily assembled "Expendables" style team to go in and stop the device falling into the wrong hands.

The movie, after a fairly swift first act, basically becomes a siege movie with action set pieces interspersed with the minimum of plot and character exposition and, honestly, for a low budget, European, independent production it sustains all that pretty well.

Yes, The Hammer brings his star power, spouts the odd one-liner, does a little bit of the physical stuff and shoots a gun a lot, which is all tremendous, but the real eye opener in the film is the martial arts of Mike Möller. Its the ambition of the stunts and of the fight choreography that really sells the film, even if the direction and photography is occasionally a little slow and flat.
What I will say though is thankfully there isn't a lot of shaky cam and there isn't some fake, 70s, flickery, grindhouse film effect on it. It's lit well, shot adequately and with a little quicker editing and some more dynamic camera work it could really elevate itself above its B Movie trappings.

The design of the faceless bad guys is very similar to George A Romero's The Crazies with them all wearing white radiation suits and gas masks. It's a great look and a good cheap costume for multiple people at once for a low budget production. The only thing is I would've requested all the extras wear black shoes because some wearing trainers/sneakers and some wearing boots etc. gave away the fact they were all just random extras. Impressive the production was able to get so many to turn up and some to do stunts, wear squibs etc. It added a lot of production value.

All of the characters have their own special expertise, style and nickname. This is a great throwback to the ensemble war movies of the 60s and 70s and adds a good light hearted camaraderie to the proceedings. The acting throughout, however, sadly isn't amazing and some of the line deliveries, especially the guy attempting a Texan accent, can be a little cringeworthy but the sheer balls of the project, the sturdy presence of The Hammer and Wolfgang Riehm, the martial arts of Mike Möller, good sound and clear photography win the day.

Definitely not the greatest low budget action film I've seen but far, far from the worst and as the debut feature from writer, director Nico Sentner, it's an impressive start and hopefully he goes from strength to strength in the future. I will watch future films of his for sure.

A sometimes flat but ambitious and enjoyable debut 6.5/10
- The Kick Ass Kid

The Raid 2 Berandal SPOILER FREE Review

The Raid reinvented action cinema and became, amongst the right people, THE film to know about and to have seen. Were there lots of precedents and already existing elements that went into The Raid? Of course but, much like the film it is often compared to, Die Hard, it is a film that has changed everything in the genre. For example, Sylvester Stallone saw it, realised Expendables 3 had to up its game and tweeted as much and although Hollywood is so slow and unimaginative that we'll see a Raid remake before we feel its influence in blockbuster fight scenes, you better believe it'll happen.

Gareth Evans though is a film maker that isn't going to wait around and isn't going to take some generic offer from Hollywood, just yet, when he can make a sequel in the same way they made the first film, by his own admission, in a 'creative bubble' with no one looking over his shoulder. I am sure if anyone did look over the shoulder of the man who wrote, directed, edited (on set and on the go!) and even helped choreograph The Raid 2: Berandal over the course of 6 gruelling months and on the jaw droopingly low budget of only $4.5 million, they wouldn't have a clue what was going on or what to say anyway. I know how they did some of the stunts and sequences and I still don't believe it!

The strength of The Raid 2, may also be its only weakness, which I will explain in a minute but basically The Raid 2 isn't anything like The Raid. Yes it follows on directly from the first film, stars the same person, has the same kind of awe inspiring fight scenes and the same limits testing, inventive camera work but in tone, story and pace it is very different. In attempting to describe it I have said it's both art house and grindhouse, action packed, comic book but dramatic, emotional, character and story driven, it's Donnie Brasco meets Hard Boiled, it's both utterly beautiful and violent, excessively gory and boundary pushing. Which is all tremendous but also leads to a long and unevenly paced film.
I definitely need to see it again now that I know what to expect and see if I still feel that way because, I have to say, during the first hour of the film because I was expecting, like a brainless idiot, The Raid again, I guess, I did find myself a little fidgety and, even, disappointed. This was entirely down to my expectation going in though and once the film hit its stride and started trying lots of different things I saw and appreciated what it was doing. So while, now, I perceive the pacing and tonal shifts to be a weakness, that might change and even if it doesn't, it's fantastic that Gareth Evans, Iko Uwais and co. tried something so different, second time out of the gate.

The Raid was criticised, by some utterly idiotic critics, for having little plot. I am sure the same critics thought of Evans as a one trick pony 'yeah the actions cute and everything but where's the character hmmmm' This is because most critics are ill-informed, humourless, action hating twats who hadn't bothered to see the excellent and full of plot, characters and drama, Merantau.  So, while the basic story of the script for The Raid 2 was actually written after Merantau and before The Raid, it still feels like Gareth Evans thought 'no plot eh? well I'll show you!' because the plot of The Raid 2 is so classic, so epic and so dramatic that, in some scenes, the fights can feel a little crow barred in actually, despite them all being driven by or furthering the plot.

I won't go into too much detail but basically our hero, Rama, in order to protect his wife and newborn son against the vengeance of the gangsters, whose business he effectively destroyed in the first film, begrudgingly becomes part of an undercover unit to weasel out corrupt police in the main Indonesian gang. This sadly means leaving his family in a safe house and getting himself purposefully arrested in order to get close to the son of the Indonesian crime boss Bangun, Ucok (Arifin Putra) while in prison. Meanwhile there has been peace for 10 years in the gang wars between the Indonesian crime family and the rival Japanese crime family, with each having and controlling their own defined territory. However a third party, Bejo (Alex Abbad) who has clawed his way up from nothing, decides to manipulate and eliminate his way into getting his own territory... and that's JUST the set up. There is SO MUCH more to it.

Normally I am not a fan of long movies. I think it's becoming a worrying trend. It's also difficult as movie theatres really don't have seats conducive to sitting that long. The Raid 2 is 150mins long and while there's definitely never a dull moment and I am not sure what more you would cut out, considering there are already 10 major deleted scenes apparently, I wouldn't usually advocate for that length of film. It has so much to cram in though and quite an intricate, part Shakespearean, part gangster epic plot that it definitely has plenty to do during that running time, not to mention the incredible fight/stunt sequences throughout.
So, to those fight scenes. Compared to the first they are bigger, have more people, more bloodletting, are more varied and are in many, many different locations. They are similar in that they are inventively choreographed and the camera and the fighter entwine constantly, like an omnipresent combatant and supporter, in such a pleasing and innovative way that it is both not immediately noticeable and would make my head spin if I had to work out or plan anything that intricate. During the spectacular car chase, the use of multiple operators risking life and limb at speeds of up to 60mph to get the effect that the camera comes out of one car window, floats down the road and then into the car behind it is absolutely jaw dropping.
Also for people, like me, who were watching the film and could completely, mentally appreciate the changes from the first film but were also waiting just for Iko Uwais to be completely unleashed on some people in a series of awesome kick ass scenes one after the other, like the first film, have no fear, the climax does NOT disappoint!
There is plenty of blood flying around in the film as well and, certainly in terms of gore and single, shocking violent moments, it certainly felt more brutal in places than The Raid. It is absolutely on the edge of a very hard R. To be honest, if this gets an R, why even bother having an NC-17.

The acting and the writing are also expanded upon in the second film with Iko Uwais, especially, playing a wonderfully angry, downtrodden, confused at times and sad at times version of Rama that shows so much depth of character in-between the frenetic fighting. Rama is not just the focus though in this film and all the characters have their moment. They have fleshed out motives, understandable reactions and there's twists and shocks aplenty.
I was talking earlier about a clash of styles and I described the film as a gangster epic, Shakespearean and even comic book like, well this is reflected in the characters, the set design and the cinematography.
The characters range from a serious, quietly spoken Yakuza boss played by Ken'ichi Endô, to the anxious, fiery tempered, ambitious, upstart son, to even a Manga like assassin duo with hammers and a baseball bat respectively, as their stylised weapon of choice.
The terrific sets range from gritty, shot-on-location streets, buildings and alleyways to meticulously designed apartments, offices, a banquet hall and a jail.
Likewise, the cinematography is one moment, still, specific, beautiful, slow and focussed and the next minute handheld, frantic and insane.
It's a film maker and his crew not resting on their laurels or repeating previous glories but instead using all of their abilities to produce a rich, varied and enjoyable film. It's diverse but understandable, it's crowd pleasing and thought provoking and it's massive, visual and jaw dropping while having moments of quiet, desperate, emotional intimacy.

Has some of the surprise of the first film dissipated? a little but not entirely and does it totally reinvent the game again? not at all and, if anything, is more traditional than the minimalist, relentless first film but both as a sequel and as a film on its own, it's an incredible piece of work. Incredibly assured, incredibly entertaining and incredibly inventive. It can now be added to the list and sit proudly next to The Godfather 2, Evil Dead 2, Aliens etc.

If you love action, gangster films or Asian cinema then make sure you watch this at least twice when it shows up in cinemas on the 11th of April.
- The Kick Ass Kid

Sabotage SPOILER FREE REVIEW

Sabotage is a gritty crime action thriller co-written and directed by David Ayer and starring Arnold Schwarzenegger, Sam Worthington, Terrence Howard and Olivia Williams along with TV hunks Josh Holloway and Joe Manganiello.
It is also, on the surface, an unusual film for Schwarzenegger who, despite a slate of upcoming sequels to his former big hits or franchises, is in the middle of a really interesting comeback. The criminally underrated Last Stand saw him try a little bit of an Eastwoodish turn as the old, tired, grizzled sheriff of a small town but still with all the humour and over-the-top action that used to be his stock-in-trade, Escape Plan saw him having tremendous fun in a bravado performance and stealing the film in his supporting role and in the upcoming Maggie he will be dipping his toe into the bloody and crowded waters of zombie films but with Sabotage it appears to be a first for Arnold: a, mostly, dramatic, serious performance, leading an ensemble cast, with, comparatively minimal action.

Arnie plays a tough as nails but quietly haunted and lost DEA Agent, whose special team of hard training, hard fighting, hard drinking and hard talking undercover agents are divided by an incident and investigation surrounding a missing ten million dollars. This fills the team full of mistrust, which only grows as they, individually, start showing up dead in a series of brutal, unflinching and hard R murders. Schwarzenegger must team up with Fed Olivia Williams and work out just what the hell is going on.

Sabotage is a film that is all about appearances. It appears to be a grainy, dark, violent and adult crime film which pulls no punches with language, nudity and gore but aspects of the plot are as generic as your favourite 80s or 90s revenge action film. We are told that Arnold's team are the best at what they do but we don't really ever see that as they appear to just be a bunch of loud mouth, alcoholic hotheads who happen to be armed. They also all appear to be innocent but maybe there's something else going on!
It's, also, a film that appears to be taking cliches from the past and turning them on their head and a film that appears to be clever, full of twists and reveals but, a few minutes out of the cinema, you have more questions than answers and any logic the script has falls away pretty quickly.
This, normally, in a wham bam, 80s throwback, action film wouldn't matter but structuring it the way they have and presenting it the way they have, demands you look into it a little closer and, when you do, it doesn't make a whole lot of sense.

One of the good things about the movie was definitely the fact that, from the trailer, I thought it would have that shaky-cam, grainy-video style cinematography that sadly passes for so-called "realism" these days and is meant to signal you're watching something edgy and serious but it didn't. The cinematography was pretty good and the action scenes, particularly, were clear, pleasing and watchable. There were a couple of moments where the camera would suddenly and needlessly be mounted on top of a gun or something silly but apart from that, very cool.
Another thing was Arnie and Olivia Williams performances, while the chemistry between them never really materialised like maybe the script called for it to, he has presence by the bucket load and she has the acting chops, so that you were always pleased when the film followed them.
Lastly it's violence and gore is joyously hard R, in your face, unflinching and even, at times, shocking. I wish it was attached to more enthusiastic and pleasing action sequences but that it was there at all, was a surprise.

Sadly though the movie has a lot of faults and I hate to write or report this as I really do think Arnie fans, action fans and thriller fans should go and see it, if for no other reasons but to make your own mind up and to see the Austrian oak do something very different in tone at least, if not in story. However, a couple of hours detached from the movie now and I just wish they'd told the story differently or it had been a different story. While I applaud anyone trying to come at generic material a different and new way, I don't think this did it successfully. There's a reason this kind of story has been told differently in the past, it's more satisfactory that way. Also it's full of plot holes which are covered only by the fact that, because we are meant to suspect everyone in the film, no one really has any kind of character to speak of. Their motives aren't quantified, explained or examined beyond very basic assumed reasons.
The second reason Sabotage is not the success or the film I hoped it would be, is that the team around Arnie are all arse holes and while Sam Worthington's character displays a little sensitivity and tragedy, quite well I might add, most of the time they are all obnoxious, swearing, ego fuelled, bickering imbeciles. I couldn't believe one of them had any more elite training than a low paid mall security guard and even if they did, not one of them seems to respect it. I understand the team in the film is meant to be divided by mistrust and devastated by the deaths of their team mates but there are more scenes of them visiting titty bars and drinking their body weight in booze than there are scenes of them kicking ass and taking names, which is a real shame and also annoying and grating.
Lastly, the film is also horribly misogynist. I can't, exactly, go into all the reasons why here but there aren't many glowing representations of women in the film, most of them are drug addled, whores or strippers. Not that the men are likeable and perfect either but they don't get anywhere near the bad representation that women do in the film. It thinks it combats this claim by having Olivia Williams' seemingly strong, intelligent character in there but it really doesn't once you see what happens.

None of these niggles, of course, have to matter. Despite all this stuff, I did enjoy the movie for what it was and it's definitely an interesting film for Arnie to have in his come-back cannon. It's nothing like I was lead to believe from the trailer though and it's not as clever as it thinks it is but disengage your brain and just go with it and there's a ton to enjoy. It's my least favourite of his films since 2010 though.
- The Kick Ass Kid

Dark Vengeance SPOILER FREE

We here at Dr.Action and the Kick Ass Kid headquarters, in conjunction with our parent site www.aftermoviediner.com, were very happy to get a preview copy of, one of our favourite action men, Steven Seagal's latest film Dark Vengeance. Set to hit Redbox and VOD services today Thursday, February 27th.

If the truth be told, rather than being a feature film, this is actually 2 episodes of his TV Show, True Justice, edited together. It is a part 1 and part 2 of the same, on going, serial killer storyline though so it sort of works, despite there being no traditional character introductions or setting exposition that might  have helped for folks not familiar with the continuing adventures of Elijah Kane (Steven Seagal) and his band of bland CSI: Miami wannabes.

Imagine True Justice the series as a sort of CSI: Seattle but filtered through the fascinating brain of Steven Seagal and you can sort of imagine the look, feel and sound of Dark Vengeance. Sadly Seagal rarely whips his glasses off, stares just off camera and utters some punning bon mot on the discovery of a body. He does get some pretty terrific Seagal style, semi-philisophical one liners though, which are sure to please fans of the man.

The plot centres around a tough-to-catch serial killer that has been bumping off strippers in a way that seems to link the deaths to Chinese mythology. As the bodies stack up, Kane sends the two female members of his team under cover at a PG rated strip joint with the hope of setting a trap for this, slowly becoming, mass murderer. However all is not as it seems when Kane apparently captures and shoots the man responsible only for the killings to continue...
Along the way Seagal stops off to natter Asian healing techniques, herbs, mystical balms and mythology with his friend Chen, play some distorted blues guitar and occasionally shoot someone or beat someone up, even if it's not always entirely apparent why any of this is happening.

Also, along for the ride, is the cameoing George Takei as the not particularly helpful and stater of the obvious medical examiner in the police morgue.

When the action is happening Seagal proves he can still aikido his way out of a convenient plot contrivance or shoot his way into a pleasant diversion. His hands are seemingly as quick as ever and when it comes to staging a lean, mean shoot out, he's your man. The serial killer plot, too is pretty good, even if bodies are seemingly racking up on a daily basis with no useful clues to further an investigation, which becomes a little repetitive. The acting from the supporting cast is serviceable and rarely grating although you can't imagine they were given much to work with. The big man himself, Steven Seagal does that whispery thing he does with that ever evolving accent, including referring to his team as the POleese (police). It's fun to watch, if sometimes a little hard to hear exactly what words of wisdom he's attempting to depart. He has presence though, I'll give him that.

There are a lot of wild liberties taken with the law and police procedure, as you'd expect and seemingly there are no official repercussions for Kane's lax and violent approach to his job. This would all be fine if the story justified it in any way but then you're always welcome for some gun play or fisticuffs as, when they happen, sporadically, it reminds you why you were here in the first place. ACTION.

The main problem is two episodes of a TV show, while maybe having the same running time, do not have the same pacing, momentum or structure of a feature film. They essentially, or normally, would have a three act structure condensed to 45mins with a cliff hanger/twist ending. This means that Dark Vengeance has 6 acts, a twist and apparent wrap up in the middle of the film and then a lead up to the next episode/film at the end. Watched, however, with prior knowledge of the series and I imagine this is a lot clearer and maybe more enjoyable.

While I am not, personally, a fan of the flash cuts and close ups of the transitions that typically appear in police procedural shows in the US these days, the rest of the scenes are filmed ok and with, at least, a definite eye to some stylistic set dressing and lighting. The director, Keoni Waxman does his best work with Seagal, however, in 2012's Maximum Conviction.

So the plot's a bit all over the place, the final villain a bit laughably obvious and you'll have a tough time of it if you're not familiar with the TV Show but it has some amusing one liners and some sadly occasional but top-notch fighting and shooting. Probably only for hardcore Seagal fans but not one to miss if you are.

- The Kick Ass Kid

Grudge Match, let's talk about how GREAT Stallone is and why critics are wrong, AGAIN!

SPOILER FREE
Far from being some silly comedy based on the Rocky meets Raging Bull gimmick, this was a well scripted, well performed film about men, age, skill, passion, regret and dignity that, also, happens to be hilarious.

The only negative for me was the unimaginative, slow paced direction and editing. With someone who actually believed in the material and had a bit more visual flair and a marketing team that had any skill and this film would've been perfect.
Kevin Hart and Alan Arkin are consistently hilarious and the emotional story lines DeNiro and Stallone have to carry are maybe cliche but always engaging, never overly sentimental, always understandable and from a very manly perspective - few words and whole shed load of meaning. When you throw in some fun training montages, a great end fight, DeNiro being the funniest he's been since Midnight Run and a few welcome, but never heavy handed, in-jokes you have a solid, decent, enjoyable film that more people should see and enjoy but probably won't.

As for Stallone, why is it critics are shitting on all of his movies? they portray him as a rangeless, emotion-less, slab of no good, idiotic meat and they can barely even bring themselves to acknowledge his action prowess unless in a derisive or ironic way. They criticise his acting, his looks, his speech - everything! but Stallone is terrific in Grudge Match. Utterly believable, charming and matches DeNiro beat for beat in the acting stakes. You say he has no range but was he playing Rocky? No! was he playing Rambo? No! was he playing Barney Ross? No!
Critics should watch old films occasionally and remind themselves that their set-in-stone, out-dated, stereotypical and lazy opinions about some actors are wrong. Al Pacino is mostly always Al Pacino, same with DeNiro and more-often-than-not Nicholson, go further back and Mitchum, Bogart, Stewart, Grant etc. all were GREAT but all had onscreen personas. Well so does Stallone but he's not always the same, any more than any of those other actors I just mentioned. No he's not Daniel Day Lewis, thank god! That guy puts on a fake beard, stoops over slightly, talks in a funny voice and people think he's a genius (misguided fools!) but Stallone is a strong, interesting actor and Grudge Match gives him some scenes to show that off. It may well be his single best straight performance roll since Cop Land.

Most people who go to see this film won't take away from it what I did and that's a shame but even if you don't, if you can look past the somewhat slow pace and inept editing, there's at least a good man-centric comedy there that never has to resort to gross-out or infantile humour to get a big belly laugh.
This movie got made because it has a cracking script, the Rocky/Raging Bull thing was just a bonus.
- The Kick Ass Kid

ESCAPE PLAN

So it is finally here and despite my high hopes, Escape Plan opened to shitty box office and mediocre reviews. It was nice to see, however, critics were less snobby and had less of their head in their arse than when it came to earlier action films The Last Stand and Bullet To the Head.

The film, like the trailer showed, is basically about Stallone's character, Ray Breslin who is an expert at breaking out of prisons. He runs a company with, clean-freak, Vincent D'Onofrio and, his cohorts in the getting out of clink business, Amy Ryan and Curtis '50 Cent' Jackson. They test the security loop holes in maximum security jails for the government.
When Sly is double crossed and winds up in 'The Tomb', a seemingly, impenetrable, hi-tech fortress run by butterfly-fancier, waistcoat stroking and dead-eyed company man Jim Caviezel, he forms an unlikely partnership with bearded Arnold Schwarzenegger and some others around him, to break out and get revenge. Throw in an odd 'wait is that Sam Neil?' cameo and bullet headed, rubber suited-rent-a-guard Vinnie Jones and you have yourself the sort of high-concept storytelling and set up for kick ass fights and explosions that we just don't get enough of anymore.

It's a strong plot, an awesome set up and the script is pretty good by similar, action film standards. The supporting cast, possibly the oddest mix of character actors and c listers ever assembled outside of a bad 2000s Christmas movie, veer wildly from being very dependable to odd and interesting, sadly taking in bland and awful any time Ryan or Jackson are on the screen. Ryan's banter back n forth with Stallone, in particular, is creaky and painful but the fault may lie, equally, with the slow and sloppy editing (more on that later).  I am not sure what Jim Caviezel is doing but he has decided that daintily painting a dead butterfly or slinking around in a tailored three-piece spitting out lines in a way that, I suppose, is meant to be threatening but comes off like he's being all sultry and trying to tongue fuck the leads, equals a cool and mesmerising villain. It doesn't quite but it's ok, passable and suitable to the genre at hand.

What you've really come to see though and what doesn't disappoint is Sylvester Stallone and Arnold Scwarzenegger. Watching them on the big screen is an unrivalled joy. That critics dismiss them and audiences ignore them is a crushing shame. People can't see past the baggage of their former careers and want to make every new film they do some how a comment on that, a throw back to that or unfairly compare it to the 'good old days'. This is to do Escape Plan, Bullet To The Head, The Last Stand etc. a massive disservice. Both of them still have the action ability, the star charisma and the acting skill in bucketfuls. I even think Schwarzenegger is a better actual actor now than he was in his heyday. In Escape Plan he imbues his character with a wonderful sense of humour, mischief, energy and intelligence that's not on the page. In Escape Plan they play real rounded characters with little to no nodding or winking at the camera and it's an absolute pleasure to see them work together both as actors on the screen and as characters in the story. Schwarzenegger has the bulk of the showy/stand-out scenes and Stallone does the running, climbing, punching dependable guy with sorrow and intelligence behind those famous heavy eyelids.

Then you get to the action. It's a little unfortunate that this film packs 90% of its gleeful, old school, shoot 'em up, beat 'em up, crash bangery into the last 20mins but when it arrives it is enjoyable, air punching, explosive moment after moment. It doesn't let up and it delivers like a milkman with a huge erection and a pint of cold cream. How can you hate on a film where Arnie tears an enormous gun off a helicopter, turns round in slow motion and fires off a thousand bullets into a group of electronic-sex-gimp looking, futuristic prison guards? it's simply not possible.

The reason Escape Plan doesn't quite hit the highs it might have done, is solely at the feet of the director. There simply aren't many good action directors working today and if you wondered if the future of action was Mikael Håfström then sadly not. While not the worst offender Håfström just can't film a hand to hand combat scene as successfully as you would like and, also, his pacing leaves a lot to be desired. While I understand he has Rambo and The Terminator in a film together and probably felt intimidated to fuck, the film could just do with being tighter and more interesting/exciting through the first two thirds of the film. Think Sodderburgh's Ocean's Eleven, Sam Raimi's The Quick and the Dead or Robert Rodriguez's anything! All could've made some of the clunkier, earlier scenes really zing off the screen and with some judicious editing and a cinematographer that was awake and alert, who knows what could've been accomplished.
Ultimately, though, I settled in and the direction didn't really bother me because once Arnie and Sly get together, they grab the film, run it right down the pitch and score a big touchdown with it, laughing and firing guns in the air all the way.

While Escape Plan was not the tightly wound, action filled classic I was hoping for, it was a solid, enjoyable and entertaining film which delivered enough that I left the cinema shadow boxing and giddy as a school boy full of pudding. I put it on a par with Bullet To The Head and just behind The Last Stand for 2013 action films.

The disappointment is that because of audiences being 12 and idiots we might not get to see the likes of these enjoyable for enjoyments sake, throwback action movies much longer, so, if you're like us and you're a fan PLEASE go support this and others like it whenever and however you can.
- The Kick Ass Kid

RED 2

DON'T WORRY! SPOILER FREE!!
When I saw RED in the cinema I liked it, when I watched it again on Blu-Ray I LOVED it. The humour was fresh, the action was great, the story was surprising, there was energy, great performances and some genuine punch-the-air and cheer moments. Like the lighter, comic-book, family version of The Expendables. I will never get tired of old folks beating people up. It's just better, funnier and cooler.

Now here comes the inevitable sequel and, truth be told, it's not bad. If you enjoyed the first one then you will not be disappointed by the second one. The script is ok, the performances pretty good and the action enjoyable.

For some reason and I can't quite put my finger on why, although the pacing and globe-trotting may be a factor, it doesn't quite have the zing, pop, crash, bang, cheer factor of the first. The action, while executed well and while there's plenty of it, has the little annoying twinge of 'you've seen this stuff already quite recently' and 'oh look, they've walked on to a sound stage, here comes another big set piece' and it has a little annoying script trait where characters we know and see being cleverer than the other guy are easily duped when the script requires it, even though the audience see it coming. These are, however, just small complaints as neither hugely detracts from the enjoyment of the film. One thing that seemed a little forced was the rather heavy handed jokes, nods and winks concerning Willis and Parker's ongoing relationship struggles but I suppose the screenwriter thought it would give everyone something to do apart from just shooting everything. Lastly, it's a tad, needlessly, over long and suffers from World War Z lack-of-blood syndrome, despite plenty of dead bodies piling up.

There are still some great, explosive action and fight scenes though and, despite the bloodless quality, it's plenty violent. On the plus side, too, the director doesn't wave or shake or flail the camera around during the action like a mental having a spasm, so you can actually see what's going on. A breath of fresh air after some spectacularly badly filmed sequences in a certain Summer blockbuster about a flying alien with a cape and little maroon booties. In fact, despite some of the, maybe overly critical, down points I listed above, the more I think about the film, the more I remember bits in it that seriously kicked ass and there was certainly one or two moments where fists were pumped and appreciative laughter happened.

Willis returns to the role of Frank Moses well and has a particularly fun scene in a records room at the beginning, Mary Louise Parker is charmingly ditsy although her make-up makes her look weird and plastic-surgeryesque from time to time, Zeta-Jones is a little surplus to requirements, Anthony Hopkins leaves little scenery unchewed, Byung-hun Lee plays the Jet Li in Lethal Weapon 4 role but does it well, I could watch Helen Mirren fire a gun from noon to night every day for a year and never get bored and Malkovitch (and his outfits) steal the show.

The film has a little bit of an Oceans 11/12/13 vibe, in the sense that you get the feeling the cast are having a better time on set than actually translates on screen but, overall, I would definitely recommend it.  It's not going to change any lives but I'd happily check out a third if the box office so demands it, after all it's by far the best DC Comics movie we've had since RED (the first film). Here's hoping, like the first, it gets even better with repeat viewings.
- The Kick Ass Kid

Hummingbird aka Redemption

It boggles my mind how unfamiliar a critic or interviewer can be with an actor's body of work and it drives me nuts that Hollywood has such a short attention span. I say this because all the reviews of this film have talked about their surprise that, in Redemption, Statham attempts to act.

Internet haters, the uninitiated and people who can only just remember 2011 often think of, the ever increasingly prolific, Jason Statham as 'just an action guy' the same way they think of Stallone as 'just an action guy' (despite his long history of not only writing scripts but directing and the fact that Rocky, Copland, Night Hawks and others are more dramas than they are traditional action films, shit Dustin Hoffman was considered for the part of John Rambo so, Stallone's no slouch!) and the other accusation that is often thrown about is "Statham just plays Statham"

If, however, you have seen Lock Stock and Two Smoking Barrels, The Transporter, Crank, The Bank Job and Safe you know that Statham diversifies, plays different characters, is a damn engaging screen presence, takes training very seriously and has more variety on his CV than almost anyone ever gives him credit for.

Not only that but Statham, as he has gained in popularity and more importantly power, he has strived to work on interesting scripts, more challenging roles, with a variety of great actors and some, genuinely, different directors & writers.
Does he predominantly make kick ass action films, yes? some of the best in recent years actually, but within that genre he is an actor, aware of his limitations (and the ones imposed on him by a narrow-minded, scared Hollywood), that has tried to do as much different stuff as possible.

So along comes Redemption, or Hummingbird as it was called in the UK, after the unmanned drones that patrol the war in the middle east (one of the themes in the movie is 'the ever watchful eye of surveillance') and while the trailer may look as if it's just the next Statham punching, kicking and taking-names vehicle and while the critics keep talking about it being the type of film we've not seen Statham in before, this is actually a film that sits nicely in his timeline with the early Richie films and next to later, more dramatic fare like the good 'The Bank Job' and the patchy, despite the presence of Paddy Constantine 'Blitz' which I think makes Statham something of a contender for Bob Hoskins hard man with a heart of gold crown.

Redemption is about an AWOL Royal Marine living rough on the streets of London who, one night while on the run, after taking a fairly horrific beating from two local gangsters and losing his girl/friend manages to take sanctuary in a, luckily open, loft apartment. After slowly sobering up and healing he decides, with the help of the owner of the apartment's debit card and a confused, shy but pretty nun to spend the summer putting his life back together. Sadly that comes with too many catches for him to bare and while he attempts to balance the right with the wrong he knows the direction he's truly headed will lead him back to the streets and drowning his post traumatic stress in the bottom of a vodka bottle.

Written and first-time directed by Steven Knight (the man behind Dirty Pretty Things and Eastern Promises) Redemption is definitely a drama. There are moments of action, mostly the stuff you've seen in the trailer and there is an underlying revenge plot, like a Death Wish or a Get Carter but mostly it's a drama about a man attempting to face his demons while being torn between two worlds and the nun who attempts to help him but, herself, becomes torn between what could be and what is. Both of them are flawed individuals, both of them don't have the answers and both of them are prone to giving into temptation.

In the performances, the themes and the direction there are nice echoes of great early 80s Hoskins stuff like Mona Lisa. The leads all do good work with a pretty decent script, Statham gives a subdued, wounded and different performance than some might expect and his scenes with the delicate but occasionally feisty Agata Buzek are the films highlight. While it isn't Eastern Promises and while The Bank Job is probably a better and easier watch if you want to dip your toe into Statham's more serious stuff, I actually liked this film a lot. It even had me shedding the odd single man tear on occasions, I don't mind admitting.

For sceptics, cynics and haters looking to be blown away and have their opinions changed on The Stath I am not sure there is an assured enough hand in the director's chair or that the subject matter is 'palatable' enough for them to really concentrate and give him the benefit of the doubt. This is because while, yes, Statham is doing some really terrific work, Steven Knight drenches a light neon, Chinatown glow to London's streets, the beautiful cobbles of Covent Garden are given their time to shine and while there is tons going on, it's weirdly just not as engaging or as satisfying as it could be with a slightly different vision behind the camera.

All that being said, I liked it and, if nothing else, gives credit to an actor refusing to be pigeonholed and who, despite his Hollywood leading man status, keeps coming back to Blighty to give rich, varied, character based performances.

Keep it up JS!

-The Kick Ass Kid

The Package - A Kick Ass Kid Review

Recording the podcast with Dr.Action brought me in contact with a lot of 80s and 90s action films and film stars that I was either not aware of or only had name recognition at best. It's been a genuinely rich and fantastic time with last years Speaktember (The films of Jeff Speakman) and our recent Gary Daniels The Britkicker month being particular highlights.

Around the same time and post Expendables  I was aware of a whole new batch of straight-to-video action films filling the shelves of my local retailer or filling up Netflix. So recently I have been delving a little bit into those and, if I am honest, despite them all having their plus points and featuring pretty decent action, they were a mixed bag. This was, usually and sadly, down to the directors and editors of these cheaply shot, quickly produced and distributed movies. Terrible shaky cam, erratic and often comically bad editing, poorly done color correction and all of it bathed in irritating, loud hip-hop soundtracks. This is a shame because the scripts were usually pretty good, the cast were doing their best and the action was clearly where they spent the money.

Tonight, however, I got to see The Package and, while I know it's not the only example of this, it surprised me, specifically, with how good it was made, not just as a straight to video actioner starring the always reliable Lundgren and the charasmatic, steely gazed, shit kicker Austin but as a proper, decent film. Much in the same way that something like a First Blood transcends the trappings of the 'action film' label and becomes something more, something classic, so The Package rose high above the standard low-budget action fare to become something damn good and interesting.

Just quickly for the record I like all types of action from the shot on DV stuff to the multi million dollar franchises, the above paragraph is really to just sing the praises of The Package's surprising production values, plot and script, depth of performance and editing.

The plot revolves around Austin's character who is ex-military and working as a goon/bag man for a leading crime boss. He is doing it to help his prison inmate brother out of trouble and out of debt and also because, sadly, he feels, there is no other work paying this well for a guy with, what he sees to be, his limited set of skills. He has a woman he loves but can't tell her as he seems ashamed somewhat and knows the danger of this job he's fallen into. Austin conveys all this mental conflict quite well and his scenes of reflection and scenes with his lady are charming and touching in an unexpected way.
The crime boss, the excellently named Big Doug, then approaches our hero with a proposal: deliver a package to 'The German' (Dolph Lundgren) in British Columbia and he'll wipe his brother's debt off the books.
It turns out there are two other second tier crime lords besides The German, all vying for the same power and territory. One, foolishly, attempts to kill The German, with cool, ass kicking Lundgren consequences and the other dispatches a team to intercept Austin and get the package from him, headed up by the always awesome Brit, Darren Shahlavi. The German is dying and The Package everyone is after may just hold the key to saving him.

Steve Austin, who I have only seen in The Expendables, Tactical Force and this, is a great find for me. He has the look, he has the fighting skills, he has a sense of humour and he's not a bad actor at all. After the last couple of films I have seen him in, I will definitely be checking out more.

From dramatically and artistically staged fight scenes to moments of dark humour and containing some lovely thoughtful, internal and even nuanced performances from Austin and, especially, Lundgren, this really was, pardon the bad joke, the complete package. The direction is assured and restrained and, in fact, without the explosive gun play, this could easily feel like a cool 70s crime film as the pacing is welcomely slower when compared to other ADD infused films. The setting of the North Western United States and West Canada also allow for the film to look and feel a bit different. It's overcast, often raining and pleasingly moody without being purposefully gritty and over reaching.

If your a fan of the action or crime genres I strongly urge that you check this out and see why there is definitely life in this old punch-throwing, action bird yet.

- The Kick Ass Kid

Olympus Has Fallen - A Kick Ass Kid Review

This review contains MILD SPOILERS
I have absolutely no idea how to begin this review. To process, properly, what I just sat through would take a super computer and a fleet of Stephen Hawkings.
First of all and let's get this out of the way, I, mostly, loved this film. This film has Gerard Butler in it and usually I can't stand the smug swaggering bell-end but in this he was alright. Yes there are a ton of people I'd have preferred in the role, of course Jason Statham springs to mind but, for once, I didn't want to reach into the screen and jab a ball point pen into Gerards stupid red puffy neck.

Butler himself produces this utterly absurd film along with enough other producers to form a producer only football team, with even a couple of guys on the bench tending to the half time oranges. Many of these, no doubt, suit wearing, money counting and grinning chappies, like Boaz Davidson and Avi Lerner, have worked previously on Rambo 4 and the 2 Expendables films and Olympus shares their over the top ultra violence, their moments of startling, seemingly realistic and out of place brutality but not really their hero moments, their star power or their humour. Recasting and re-scoring this film would have pushed it from loud, bonkers but enjoyable through to an absolute must see film classic.

I feel like I have jumped ahead of myself though. The plot, in case you weren't aware, is that terrorists take over the white house in an attempt to, well, start civil war in Korea? atomise the entirety of the United States leaving it a desolate, nuclear winter filled, pile of rubble? force the interior decorators hand and get them to remodel the entire house and paint it a fetching shade of mauve?
It, ultimately, doesn't matter, these are bad bad men, armed to the teeth who don't speak the language and there's only one man who can stop them. No, really, there really is only one man. These highly trained, exceptionally well prepared and dedicated terrorists have allowed for every single possible eventuality except for Gerard Butler. Well, don't worry, they'll know next time.

Playing like Die Hard meets Air Force One meets a feature episode of 24, the film is awash with joyous cliches and scenes you've seen a hundred times given a cursory going over. For example it starts at Christmas (action movies have to, you understand) and jumps forward to just after independence day (but of course it does!). The only real surprise here is how gory and brutal some scenes get. Having rewatched some 24 episodes recently it's remarkable how fun that show was while still remaining so utterly po-faced, deeply earnest and, yes, utterly ridiculous. Well that's sort of what we get here. Butler is most definitely a Bauer/McClaine clone but sadly without the charm of either of them, although he does get to rattle off a couple of pleasing, four letter word filled, one liners. It did mean though that on occasions I wished I was watching Kiefer Sutherland gruff whisper his way through the film occasionally stopping to torture a few crims and shout dammit a lot at a mobile phone.

Not that any of this is really a bad thing though. I LOVE Die Hard, LOVE 24 and LOVE ridiculous action movies that take themselves way too seriously, so while this is no Die Hard and no 24, it tried its damned hardest.

Also the whole film is completely weird to watch because although costing an actually, relatively respectable $70 million it also looks and feels entirely like a made-for the SyFy channel film. I am not sure whether it was the fairly laughable CGI, the wobbly sets or the TV lighting and sound but it leant the whole film a surreal quality because at one moment you're marveling at just the insane scale of the action, the extras, the violence and just how phoned in and old Morgan Freeman seems to be and the next moment you're thinking "wait, did Roger Corman have something to do with this?"

While it may sound like a moan, it's actually just another reason I loved the film.

Butler's supporting cast is a who's who of 'what the fuck are you doing in this movie?!' and a happy-to-see-you-sir Robert Forster. Nobody is particularly stand out and nobody is given a ton to do but they all do it well enough that you don't notice. Except Morgan Freeman who sadly looked old and played the whole film as if he was desperately unwell. Guess we'll have to see later this month in Oblivion if that was a 'character choice' in Olympus or just the product of age and the reminder of one too many Ashley Judd thrillers. Oh and talking about thankless tasks... Ashley Judd in this film.

The opening attack on Washington which is, obviously, the biggest set piece in the film and shitty CGI notwithstanding, is pretty great, pretty mind-blowing and actually pretty daring in the amount of bullet ridden bodies of innocents it piles up. Screw nuking the whole country, I want this bastard's head impaled on a pair of highly sharpened nose hair scissors just for all the fat, happy tourists and DC working stiffs they massacre in this section of the film alone. I honestly didn't know how to feel about it, I almost wasn't able to ignore the wanton death and just enjoy the action for actions sake, like I would normally but I also knew it was a silly film I was watching and none of this was meant to signify or mean anything except to eliminate literally everyone and leave our hero no choice but to, single handedly, save the child, save the country and save the presidency.

This odd and uneven tone between over wrought, chest thumping, B Movie Action and harrowing, dark, unpleasant violence was never more evident and problematic than in a scene where our main bad guy, the same dude who stupidly had diamonds in his face in Die Another Day, kicked and punched Melissa Leo's secretary  of defense in to a purple pulp of blood spewing unpleasantness all while surrounded by a set that looked like it was left over from Star Trek The Original Series. It was a scene that, while completely justified by the terrorists plans, was maybe a tad too disturbing for a film like this. To off set this she could've fought back a little maybe.
One niggle on that point was that there were too few hero moments. As horrible as what they did to sweary Oscar winner Melissa Leo, if she had kneed him in the balls, slapped him round the face or bit his ankle or something we could've at least cheered on the fact she attempted to give some back.

The ending of the film feels straight out of a Jimmy Kimmel or SNL Spoof of action  films and maybe pushes the cliche just one absurd step too far but luckily a hashtag joke just about almost saves it by saying 'yeah we know this is very very silly, please just come with us across the finish line, after all you've come this far, right?'

The problem comes, though, with the soundtrack and the obscene patriotism in the final moments. Yes the whole film is rampant with patriotism but nothing so unusual if you live here, they have giant American flags at shitty interstate gas stations for Pete's sake! but the film ends on such a cringe-worthy-Bill-Pullman-from-Independence-Day-speech followed by an almost sombre, serious brass and orchestral score that it makes you long for Argyle, a limousine and some bad 80s hip-hop. It doesn't help that throughout the film you want to keep yelling 'He's Scottish! A Scotsman is saving you!"

Lastly, to wrap up, I would say that if you like action, go see this film but go see it with low expectations and watch it with a sense of fun. Not to ironically laugh at it but to just enjoy a great throw back slice of disastersploitation. Yes the faces on the screen maybe earnestly grimacing to the point of rupturing but make no mistake, behind the burnt and tattered flag falling in front of a fake orange a purple dusk sky imagery, someone is having a ball making this old style actioner. If they weren't then they've failed at whatever their original intention was.

Oh and by the way, if you're a professional critic who contributed to the 47% negative rating this film gets on Rotten Tomatoes (while the fan critics give it a better 79%) you've failed at your job, AGAIN. Congratulations arse holes you are devoid of a sense of fun!

Roll on Roland Emmerich's White House Down, between that, G.I.Joe and this who is going to win the battle for taking over the White House movie of the year!?

-The Kick Ass Kid

A Good Day To Die Hard - The Kick Ass Kid Review

THIS REVIEW IS SPOILER FREE BUT MAY CHANGE YOUR DESIRE TO SEE THE FILM.
A Good Day To Die Hard.
Bruce Willis said in the UK, on that dreadful turd of a TV program the One Show, that he didn't get the title, he thought it didn't make much sense. Then he muttered something about a sandwich and appeared to be very high on something.
Actually the title of this film is about the only thing that does make any sense. Honestly. I couldn't tell you what it was about at all but things caught fire, crashed or exploded A LOT.
Which was nice.

Alternative titles might include:
Die Hard The Computer Game: Mission To Moscow because the 3rd act looks exactly like something you might play on an XBox 360 (not that there's really any acts just one long...er.. thing with Bruce Willis occasionally holding a gun)
and/or
Die Hard Another Day (because of a James Bond reference, a James Bond cold war feel and the shitty soundtrack/CGI of the worst of the Bond franchise).

Ok so very quickly, because it pains me to do so, here is what is wrong with the 5th in a franchise that really should've died very hard somewhere around the point Willis thought it was quite reasonable that John McClane, scruffy, alcoholic, divorcee, New York cop hang around atop a spinning F35 fighter jet in the shambolic part 4.
Firstly the script. The script, when the "actors" are called upon to actually use it for the few minutes between leveling another indiscriminate grey communist city block, is appalling. The central premise behind whatever it is the bad guys are doing is never fully explained and the arguing/banter/bonding and joking between Willis and Bland McBeige (who plays his son) is, at its best, stilted and, at its worst, cringe inducing and painful. The CGI is laughable and the majority of the action you've seen in the 57 trailers that were released 6months in advance.
Finally, and this really crushes me, the performances across the board and throughout the film, sadly Willis included, were abysmal. Say what you like about the other 4 films, whether it's the good (Die Hard and Die Hard with a Vengeance) or the not quite as good as the good but still ok (Die Harder and Live Free or Die Hard) Willis's central performance as McClane was always solid. In part 5, however, while the swearing is back and he looks happily at home firing off machine guns, his overall McClane persona is really nowhere to be found. The whole film feels like the actors in a dress rehearsal, wearily trudging through their lines one last time in the hope to make the pub by closing. I am happy, though, to lay the blame for some of this at the script's feet because, it really is, shockingly awful.
Continuing to berate the script and the lackluster performances, the villain/s in Die Hard Another Day, and I am not enjoying saying any of this, are mostly terrible. There were some hopeful glimmers early on as one of the actors attempted to wring some menace and charm from the ham-fisted, cliche ridden, toilet paper pages of the script but, unfortunately, it doesn't really go anywhere. Why couldn't Hans Gruber have more brothers? heck I'd take Gruber's 3rd cousin twice removed over these characterless baddies.
I could go on but it would depress me and then I'd have to ask Willis for whatever relaxing meds he was taking when he made this.

"What you taking there Willis?"

On, then, to the good bits because, believe it or not, despite all its flaws I did enjoy the experience of watching this.
The pacing is good, considering the occasional pauses for some almost vomit inducing asides between the two John McClanes in this picture, for me, it zipped along.
There's a car chase at the beginning which is absolutely phenomenal and very very cool. It was definitely my favourite part of the movie and mainly because I hadn't seen all of it in the aforementioned trailers but also because it was legitimately kick ass.
The other action is good too, shitty CGI not withstanding, it's just that, having seen the trailers, once the characters strolled onto a recognisable set you weren't really caring what they were doing or saying, you were waiting for that bit you'd seen with the helicopter to happen. Thank you marketing team, you bunch of moldy bell ends.
Willis, although not really playing much of a character at all, like I said, looked really at home with a big gun and what humour there was in the film was derived from the ready glee one feels from seeing ol' Brucie mow down some black suited henchmen with a fucking huge weapon.
If you like action there is enough in this to keep you moving along and if you're feeling generous there's even a few solid laughs to be had along the way, it's just that, even being generous, there are nowhere near enough.
Putting this up against the other 3 big action releases this year so far I would say it was the weakest but it's still well worth the price of a cinema ticket and if they make part 6 (like they've promised) I will still go and see it because it's Die Hard, it's action, it's Willis, it's explosions and it's a bit of escapism after a long day dealing with reality.
- The Kick Ass Kid 

What do you mean there's no script?

Universal Soldier 4 - Day of Reckoning

 

I’ve been wanting to see this for a while now and finally viewed it today. It re-teams Jean Claude-Van Damme and Dolph Lundgren, plus, the main reason for watching, Scott Adkins. 

The British martial arts star is a big favorite for the Doc and the Kid, well, for us Brits, he is flying our flag in the action genre! 

Plot wise it’s a pretty simple premise. Adkins' wife and daughter are killed by Luc Deveraux (JCVD) and his group of UniSols leaving Adkins for dead and in a coma. After coming round months later, Adkins character John sets about uncovering the truth about the UniSols, finding them and avenging his loved ones murder. 

Both JCVD and Lundgren reprise their roles from previous Universal Soldier movies, but don’t be mislead they do not feature heavily, both take on Adkins in fights in the movie though. 

Andrei Arlovski also returns after his role in Universal Soldier-Regeneration and the MMA fighter, again, has great fight scenes.

John Hyams again takes the directing reigns, he’s a great action director. 

The movie takes a while to get started and you’d be forgiven for thinking it was a horror movie for the first half hour or so, but once the action gets underway it doesn’t let up. The action and violence in this movie is pretty damn brutal and absolutely bone crunching. 

The star here is Scott Adkins though, what a martial artist, he is fantastic here, a very welcome addition to the series and not only that, a really fantastic actor in my opinion. He has a packed roster of action coming up, so lets all rejoice that a talented action man is getting his due! 

Van Damme was it your idea to open the ketchup bottle with a machete, jesus I can't take you anywhere!

Doc’s Prescription, don’t worry too much about the plot, get past the first half hour and relish the action.

Van Damme took all the ketchup!!

By Dr.Action

Parker and Let's Get Serious About Statham

So Parker opens tonight properly in the US and, for some fans, there is much riding on it because of their love of the books and this being the first, all-important, time that a film-maker is using the character's real name.
The character has been portrayed many times on screen, most famously by Lee Marvin in Point Blank.
If I am honest I can't speak to their fandom or concerns as I have never read the books, I am, however, a fan of Point Blank and Mel Gibson's now, sadly, overlooked film Payback.
When it comes to Taylor Hackford's new take on the character though, I am there for one reason and one reason only and that is Jason Statham. I couldn't exactly or rightly pinpoint when exactly it was I became proudly gaytham for Statham (as my buddy Moe would say) but The Mechanic being a surprisingly good remake and the 1-2-3-4 mega punch of The Expendables, Killer Elite, Safe and The Expendables 2 certainly cemented me as a life long fan.

We'll get onto The Stath in a minute though, let's just quickly give Parker the once over. I will try, where I can, to not spoil anything.

As I did last week for The Last Stand, I caught the 10pm Thursday preview screening of Parker last night in a cinema with the wife, one other couple and a solitary man. A big turn out it was not, sadly.
The film tells the tale of a principled, pleasant enough thief who is double-crossed, left for dead and, of course, given no choice but to wreak long bloody but highly principled revenge.
I will say, up front, that this is not classic Statham. It falls into the not-as-good-as-Safe-but-better-than-Blitz territory, possibly a good double bill with the slightly similar themed Bank Job maybe.
What problems the film has, though, must be planted firmly at the feet of the director, Taylor Hackford and Jennifer Lopez. Parker walks a slightly similar path to Lopez's most successful screen outing, Out of Sight but where her character in that film shines with strength, sizzling sex appeal and satisfying sarcasm, in Parker, while she's putting the effort in, the part doesn't give her much to work with. Also, at a certain point, her character makes one of those decisions that film-characters do in order to heighten a tense scene and that grated ever so slightly with me.
The same can be said for the direction, where Out of Sight employed Soderbergh's usual bag of stylistic and artistic tricks to keep the slower parts of that film visually rich, Parker falters a little and can be just plain bland when it's concerned with character and plot rather than indulging in pleasing bouts of over-the-top, gory ultra-violence. It really needed to be Soderberghed up or to be made more gritty like a Get Carter, sadly, the cinematography at least, winds up being a little on the beige side.
That's about all in terms of niggles though.
Statham is as assured as ever and even a sequence which I was sure was going to be blatantly laughable, when the notoriously-not-very-good-at-accents Stath has to imitate a Texan, turned out to be fine and did the job well. The action is phenomenally well performed and there's lots of claret splashing all over the place, way more than I expected in fact.

To be fair to this film though, much like The Last Stand before it and I suspect Bullet To The Head (coming next week), it has been marketed all wrong. A better campaign would've linked it to slower paced yet strongly violent 70s fare. I know the books are set in the past and Statham's wish was to do it, like Killer Elite and The Bank Job, in the correct period but there wasn't any support for that from the producers. Instead I feel that, while the setting maybe contemporary, they have tried to imbue the film with the colder, slightly grittier feel of a 70s film. It isn't entirely succesful as I have said, it needed more interesting direction and a funky soundtrack but on a second or third viewing I definitely see this growing on me.

Unlike The Last Stand I am not sure this is necessarily going to please hardcore action fans, as there are long sections where nary a nose is broken or a knee dislocated with the butt of a shotgun, and I can't imagine it's the Parker film all the fans of the novels have been waiting for either but for us Stathamites it's a chance to once again bask in the bullet headed Brit's brilliant screen presence as he defies expectations again and tries something a little different.

While James Bond may have run 50 years, having a muscle bound English action hero is something of an extreme rarity. Yes there was Gary Daniels before him and Scott Adkins fast on his heals but both seem to stay firmly in the realms of the straight-to-video world, at least for now. I am not sure I could think of another Englishman who has achieved what Statham has and I am genuinely surprised how often that goes un-noticed on both sides of the pond. Also I am genuinely surprised how often our beloved Stath is dismissed as being one note, always making the same film, not being a good actor or only doing films in which he takes off his shirt.
It's perfectly true to say that Statham makes films within similar genres and it would also be true to say that he is aware that there are certain things expected of him when he makes a film: shirts off for the ladies, a fight scene for the lads and a couple of cheesy one liners but there is definitely more to the cult of Stath than this paltry check list of genre cliches.
Some may have wondered, back in 2010 when they went to see The Expendables, who is this gruff voiced, cockney Bruce Willis sitting next to Stallone in the cockpit of this plane? and others may have wondered that with talent and bigger names like Lundgren, Li and Rourke in the film, what was Jason Statham, a relative young upstart, doing playing Sylvester Stallone's right hand man? but when you examine what Statham has done with his career it doesn't remain a mystery very long.
It also shows that Stallone is an astute observer of talent and the industry as well as a consummate professional film-maker of the highest order.
First of all, due to his love of Bruce Lee and Stallone movies, Jason Statham was dedicated to doing things, as much as he could, for real. He trained and studied martial arts and in his Transporter and Crank series he does almost every single physical stunt seen on screen.
Secondly, much like Stallone and Willis, while aware of his little niche in the industry or 'pigeon hole' if you like, he has tried, wherever possible to make different and interesting choices.
Sometimes the impetus behind the decisions maybe obvious things like working with first time, maverick, guerilla style film-makers on the Crank series or starring in a period heist flick written by two veteran British comedy TV writers and sometimes his reasoning for taking a project might be subtle to the outsider but, gathering what I can from interviews, Statham carefully picks his film roles based on either cast members, director, script or the chance to do something he's not done before.
Now before you say 'wait a minute, isn't that what everyone does? why is that special?' think about how easy it would be for Statham to currently be making The Transporter 7 right now, or Crank 5 or think about how instead of doing a straight to DVD 80s style action film we've seen a million times he chose to take a true-ish spy story with ambiguous characters and make a big-ish budget action film set in drab early 80s Britain with Robert DeNiro and Clive Owen.
I don't care what you say that shows someone who is striving to make things as interesting and as different as possible.

The other thing to note is that what is also rare these days and wonderful to see, is how the industry has allowed him to do it. His box office has not always been strong and yet he continues to get so much funding for different projects that the man can remain as prolific, hard working and challenged as he wants to. Yeah there might be misses, for some audiences the majority of his stuff might not interest them in the slightest but at least he is being given the opportunity to chase a variety of projects because from that model you always get a few cast iron classics. Safe showed him to have some surprising depth in his performance and like Stallone had his Rambo breakdown in First Blood, Rocky's simple but earnest underdog character and his fantastic nuanced performance in Copland, so too will Statham get his chance. I hope.

So while Parker had bits I loved and bits I didn't, it defied my expectations again by simply not being just-another-action-film (not that it would've been bad if it was either) but having a script just as interested with characters and plot as it was with blood spewing fight scenes. It's just a shame it didn't have a director good enough to 100% pull it off.

3.5 out of 5

Review by The Kick Ass Kid

The Last Stand and 2013 A YEAR OF ACTION!

THIS REVIEW CONTAINS NO SPOILERS
Dr.Action and I have said it time and again recently, 2013 is going to be the year of action and if The Last Stand is anything to go by it is going to be one hell of a ride.

Yes Stallone was back with Rocky 6, Rambo 4 and The Expendables 1 & 2 but in 2013 we get to see him in his first film, by himself, with no previous franchise and no band of super famous friends to back him up, since 2002's lackluster effort, Avenging Angelo. This new film is A Bullet To The Head and it's directed by 80s Action maestro Walter Hill (and there was much rejoicing). As if this wasn't enough we're going to get The Tomb with him and Schwarzenegger somewhere at the beginning of autumn.

The second Planet Hollywood partner, Bruce Willis, who, to be fair, never really went anywhere has GI Joe: Retaliation, the surprisingly entertaining looking RED 2 and, of course, the Valentine's Day return of his most famous creation, John McClane in A Good Day To Die Hard all coming out in 2013!

No-Longer an up and comer to the genre but, after the 1-2 kick of Killer Elite and Safe a bona fide action superstar, Jason Statham is back in 2013 with a vengeance and not 1 but 3 movies! Starting with the insanely silly, fun looking Parker in January and continuing later in the year with the intriguing sounding Homefront, written by none other than Sylvester Stallone.

Which left only Arnie who, after his stint as the Governator, had a grand old time recently parodying himself, to great effect, in The Expendables franchise. Not to be outdone, however, he wasted no time getting back into his fighting trousers with the spectacularly strong looking schedule of The Last Stand, The Tomb with Stallone and Ten. If that doesn't convince you that the Austrian oak ain't going nowhere then let future fair like Unknown Soldier, Captive, Triplets and even the rumour of a Terminator 5 movie convince you.

After The Last Stand however, which I had the pleasure of seeing tonight, January 17th, you won't need anymore convincing. Arnie is well and truly back and I say that without any joke intended. I say it with a passionate fist pump to the air, a hearty, happy chuckle in my gut and my action gland well and truly throbbing with adrenaline. I write this an hour after leaving the cinema and I am still vibrating with the sheer happiness a man gets from watching great action.
The Last Stand IS Arnie's movie. He is absolutely superb and tremendous in the film and with no hint of ironic detachment (because I am not 15 or a hipster dick-bag) his acting is genuinely great, affecting and endlessly watchable. Whenever he is on screen the film is a delight.
That's not to say that when he isn't on screen, during the slightly long and maybe a little slow opening exposition that the film isn't watchable, it's fine but when he appears he knocks it out of the park and into another park 100 miles away where it explodes into a thousand pieces of sheer awesome.

As for the rest of it, well the script, story and direction are all pedestrian enough. It's a perfectly serviceable, if little lazily written and not overly-directed, simple plot with the whole set up being a pleasingly typical, mediocre 80s and even 60s Western throw-back.
Where it succeeds though is that it plays it out as an actual proper film.
Let me explain that.
What I mean is, in The Last Stand, Arnie is playing Sheriff Ray Owens, he's not playing Arnie. Yes there are little mentions of his age etc. and yes he has wacky sidekicks and the odd one liner but the film is a proper action film, with all the humour and exaggeration that implies but without any knowing winks to camera.
In The Expendables films Arnie can get away with playing Arnie and throwing catchphrases and knowing one liners all over the place because part of the joy of those films is seeing one movie contain all of those massive stars having tremendous fun. That stuff belongs in those movies but The Last Stand, to be successful and to put Arnie back on the map where he belongs, as an iconic movie star, it HAD to be played straight. I couldn't be happier typing this to you all now reporting that it IS played straight and is all the better for it.

The violence and action is pleasingly, properly R Rated and bloody. You get car chases, gun play, a fist fight, running, jumping and crashing through windows. Basically everything you want or need from a Schwarzenegger film.
The sidekicks are fine too and the success of the film is through very little character beats you genuinely care about this small border town and its misfit inhabitants. Johnny Knoxville as the town kook isn't too annoying at all and in fact doesn't have anywhere near the screen-time the posters and promotional material would suggest and Luis Guzman is as reliable and fun to watch as ever.
Peter Stormare, as usual, has a tremendous time chewing up the scenery around him like vast gobs of ham and then spitting it out all over the place.

It's interesting as they have surrounded Arnie with some other thick accented fellows, maybe as a way to take some of the attention off his but also, as the head villain is a Mexican heading to the border there are little comments on immigration in the film and that's sort of nice too.

Oh and the women in it are all smoking hot, which is always a BIG plus.

Yes the beginning was on the verge of being too slow and heavy handed, yes Forrest Whitaker is phoning this one in from 1999 and no the plot or the direction didn't exactly blow my mind but it didn't matter because after a little while I was watching the musclebound Austrian dispatching bad guys with a sawn-off shotgun and a ready quip and all was right with the world again.

In the lead up to this film the marketing team seemed to believe that Johnny Knoxville was also a big name and after an initial solo Arnie poster, the rest of the marketing seemed to also hover around Knoxville. This was either because the marketing people believed there was some rich, lucrative vein of as-yet-untapped Knoxville fans hiding out there (probably walloping themselves in the balls with a toaster or whatever) OR there was a slight worry that Arnie, post government and sex-scandal couldn't open a movie anymore.

Well I, for one, hope this movie opens BIG because it seriously deserves to.

How a marketing team can seemingly doubt a man whose whole life has been spent living up to a last name that's so huge it needs two cinema marquees just to contain it and a name so iconic it even appears on my computer's built in spell check is beyond me but then I learnt along time ago that nothing those idiots in marketing do is surprising anymore.

Go see The Last Stand and tell Hollywood you want MORE!

8 out of 10 for the film

15 out of 10 for Arnie!

Review by The Kick Ass Kid